Admit it—you’ve always wished for a way to read your dog’s mind. That’s why we’ve climbed inside the heads of some of our favorite breeds to channel their inner monologue and imagine what they really think of us humans!
[BREATHES HEAVILY] I can hear my humans’ footsteps coming to let me out of my crate. Hooray! I love to hang out with everyone before the kids head off to school. I’m a real family man, as they say. I like to walk around the table while they eat breakfast—if a piece of bacon or toast happens to drop on the floor, I know it’s going to be a great day. (Spoiler alert: it’s going to be a great day.)
I head out into the yard for my morning jog. I love to be out here when my pals from the neighborhood are being walked because I trot back and forth, barking a friendly hello convincing them to stop for a little butt sniffing. We went to visit my humans’ friend in the city one weekend and let me tell you, 48 hours in an apartment nearly drove me to insanity. I will never take my yard for granted!
I have found a gorgeous spot of sunny pavement in the driveway, warmed to the perfect temperature for my morning nap. I will snooze here until the mail carrier arrives. My neighbor Rufus across the street totally flips out when she walks up to the house, but I’m cool with it. Rufus says I would make a terrible watchdog and he’s probably right. (Rufus also has a prescription for Xanax, so…)
The groomer has arrived for what my human likes to call “doggy spa day.” I don’t mind getting a trim every six weeks or so because I get a lot of compliments on my curly hair. I understand that beauty takes work—haircuts, regular brushing, and bathing—NBD. Plus, the shampoo massage feels nice, and I like having the hair cut around my eyes to clear my field of vision!
My human has gone to the grocery store and I’m inside the house while she’s gone. I’ll be honest, I don’t like being here alone. It tends to make me a little anxious, but she’s left the radio on for me, so I am singing along to John Legend to keep myself occupied. When she forgets, I sometimes soothe myself by chewing a pillow (this does not make my human happy!)
THE KIDS ARE HOME AGAIN! THE KIDS ARE HOME AGAIN! THE KIDS ARE HOME AGAIN! This is my favorite time of day because THE KIDS ARE HOME AGAIN! I perform all my tricks, then we play fetch with the rope toy until it gets lost under the couch and I am determined to get it until I am distracted by a spoonful of peanut butter. Who needs a rope toy when you can have a spoonful of peanut butter?
Back outside again, this time for my daily walk. The kids and I make our way around the block every night before dinner. I stop and sniff a bit here and there, but mostly I enjoy the cool breeze flapping beneath my ears as we take a brisk tour of the neighborhood. I’ve heard my human say that my legs need lots of exercise so I’m properly fatigued, though I’ve also heard them say they want the kids properly fatigued, so maybe I don’t know what that means.
After one final trip outside to do my business, it’s back inside to snuggle with the kids before bed. Nothing makes me happier. Like I said, I’m a family man. I like to make sure each of them is tucked in, then I head inside my crate with my favorite blanket and squeaky toy. I love the security of this little space, and I drift off to dream of rope toys and peanut butter. See? I knew it was going to be a great day.
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