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3 August 2018


Your Pup’s August Horoscope

This summer has been woof (sorry, had to) with all of its retrograding planets. And while you’ll inevitably be howling at the full moon on the 26th (hey, it’s literally in the job description of being a dog), as we move through August, things are looking on the up and up: an upcoming solar eclipse […]

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This summer has been woof (sorry, had to) with all of its retrograding planets. And while you’ll inevitably be howling at the full moon on the 26th (hey, it’s literally in the job description of being a dog), as we move through August, things are looking on the up and up: an upcoming solar eclipse signals ample opportunities for a few extra treats (score) and a long car ride with the window down. Here’s what pups can expect this month, according to the stars:


Leo (July 23-August 22)

Oh hey there, little lion pup. Things are looking pretty great in August as Venus moves into your house of communication early in the month on the 6th. If you have anything you’ve been meaning to tell your human—you’d prefer her to leave the A/C on when she leaves the house; you’d like a flashier collar; or maybe you think it’s time they invest in that California King—now’s the time. She’s hearing your barks, and she’s understanding what you’re saying.


Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Mr. Picky beware: The solar eclipse on the 11th will take your high energy down a notch. Maybe instead of going hog wild at the dog park, pull your way into the “small dogs only” section—just for a few days! And try to avoid the dog park all together on the 26th—the full moon is doing nothing to help your temper if a certain Frenchie named Potatoes tries to steal your tennis ball again. The good news, though? Mars is going direct the very next day, which means you and Potato can patch things up before you see each other at daycare.


Libra (September 23-October 22)

OWWWKAY, Miss Popular. While we know that’s your given name, you will be feeling extra Cher Horowitz with the solar eclipse on the 11th as it ups the volume on your social proclivities. You’ll be better at reading between the lines of whether that moody Maltese wants to sniff your tuchus or attack your honor. And when Mercury goes direct on the 18th, you’ll be even able to use your heightened networking status in the human world—you have been thinking about setting up your favorite crossing guard with your amiable dog walker, right? Now’s the time to play Cupid.


Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

This is your lucky month, Scorpio. If you’ve been entered into any agility contests, take them seriously—you’re primed for a win. Or even if you’ve just been a little fraidy cat when it comes to jumping in the lake on summer vacay, now’s your time to float, not sink. On the flip side, with Uranus retrograding, that flirtation you’ve been having with that gorgeous chihuahua on the other side of the fence will be met with some conflict. Maybe you said something to ruffle her, uh, fur. Or maybe she barked something under her breath about how your owner wears leggings to work—either way, if you like her, you can two can work it out, but it will take work.


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Summer has been pretty good, huh, Sag? Well, not to rain on your parade but with Uranus going retrograde on the 7th, we see some chaos awakening in your corner of the crate. Could your owner possibly be bringing home a puppy? Or worse, a rescue cat? With the solar eclipse on the 11th, a trip to your favorite babysitter might just give you the headspace you need (especially since she lets you sleep in the bed and eat Rotisserie chicken). But be extra careful your owner packs your favorite squeaky poop emoji toy and fluffy blanket—Mercury in retrograde until the 18th could mean madness for traveling even a couple of blocks.


Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

You’ve been digging that hole to China in the backyard, and now, you may finally reap the rewards of all of your hard work, aka you might just find that bone you buried a year ago and could never find. Woohoo! Also, don’t be too shocked if your owner starts an Instagram account dedicated to you—“The Regal Beagle” does have a good ring to it, right? Venus will be working overtime on the 6th, benefitting public opinion of you. What does that mean? Mark your paw print on your owner’s calendar to schedule a photoshoot that day and prepare thyself for some mild insta-dog-famous celebrity.


Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)

Uranus going retrograde on the 7th means that something from your past is likely to reemerge. Yep, your human’s mother’s blue medal poodle is dropping by for at least the weekend to make your life a living hell. But think of this as an opportunity to start fresh with Miss Damsel in Distress. Maybe the two of you can be cuddle buddies instead of vicious enemies. Try sharing your favorite spot on the couch or even—shhh—leading her to your secret hidden locus for relieving yourself inside. Funny enough, the solar eclipse on the 11th hints at a future commitment. Perhaps you’ve been reading this loathe at first site thing wrong the whole time because love is most certainly in the air.


Pisces (February 19 to March 20)

You’ve been working your little butt off—whether that’s as a therapy dog or de facto guard (hey, someone’s gotta keep the mailman on his toes). With Mercury going direct on the 18th, you will finally be able to make your case to your human for a promotion. Maybe it’s one more treat a day or maybe you can even convince them for some extra off-leash time. The point is: use the skills you’ve learned (sit, down, heel, roll over, paw) to gain the trust of your bosses and show them you’ve earned your keep. But by the time the full moon happens on the 26th, you’ll need some “me time.” (You can only play fetch with a 7-year-old for so long.) Find a dark spot under a bed or a pile of laundry in said 7-year-old’s room to relax and unwind for some well-earned self-care time.


Aries (March 21-April 19)

Hey Ram, it’s time to stop barking at that skateboarder on your block because August is all about letting the small things go and smoothing your relationships (Venus moves into your house of partnerships on the 6th). In fact, the solar eclipse on the 11th means that love is in the air for you. Whether Oregano across the street is suddenly into you because of how the stars aligned or because you finally—finally— quit yelping from your bay window is neither here nor there. The takeaway is that thank goodness you two are spayed and neutered—don’t make your parents have that awkward sex talk with you.


Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Things will finally slow down. If your owner has been traveling a lot without you, expect to be taken on the next time. Amazing dog beach trip, anyone? If you’ve been meaning to hit up that new dog-friendly restaurant, the solar eclipse on the 11th is the day to accidentally fall asleep in your owner’s truck so you can accompany her before she can say no. But once the full moon on the 26th hits, things at home might tense up as everyone dips more into their aggressive side (yep, even the hamster). As long as you refrain from baring your teeth, things should return to back to normal.


Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Things have been weird lately, huh? It’s like no one understands what you’re trying to say. You want to nap, and your owner whisks you away for a walk. You want dinner, but your owner thinks you need to go out. When Mercury goes direct on the 18th, your barks will be lost in translation no more. Phew. Once you feel like you and your owner are back on the same page, it’s not a terrible time to push your luck for an extra treat here and there. If there are kids in your house, they’ll be extra in-tune with your needs: so soak up all the belly rubs you can get.


Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Things have not been great with your dog walker. You’ve spotted him stealing rolls of toilet paper on a couple occasions, and he’ll frequently just nap on the couch instead of taking you out. Eyeroll. Well, August will be the last of these stressful days. On the 6th, Mars moves direct, and harmony at home will be restored—aka your human will install that Nest cam and see what said dog walker is really doing during paid hours. Sure, his absence will be replaced with anxiety over who will take his place, but this catalyst for change in August means great news come September: maybe your owner will work from home three days a week? Hey, a dog can dream.

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