The Dachshund. Comical, clever, unusually squat and immensely fun to dress in costume, this is the Danny DeVito of dog breeds. But before you run out to get the puppy + hot dog costume combo, you should do a little homework. Actually, we did the homework for you. You’re welcome. (And really, don’t be such a cliché. Think bigger than the bun. You’re better than that.)
Without further ado, here’s a brief history of the breed, plus the pros and cons of inviting a Dachshund into your life.
This might sound obvious, but it’s definitely news to them: Dachshunds are big dogs in little bodies. Seriously, they are completely unaware that they should be shopping the Petite section of the store rather than the Big & Tall racks. Hear their bark from behind a closed door and you’ll imagine something fanged and ferocious on the other side. That’s because this european dog was bred for hunting badgers as opposed to their modern skill of attracting a loyal social media following. Their ridic sense of smell is matched only by their ridic courage. Their short, strong legs and long bodies are built to burrow furiously and they are compelled by a breed-specific stubbornness that is unmatched. But they are lively, curious, smart, and funny--basically, everything you look for in a dinner guest (and a Danny DeVito). They come in three varieties: smooth, wirehaired, and longhaired, as well as two sizes, standard and miniature. Their life expectancy is around 12-15 years, which is fairly long by purebreed standards.
● Loyal AF. Once your Dachshund loves you, she will love you for EVAHHH. She will also follow you around the house to make sure everything’s going okay with you at all times. If you prefer to poop alone, be sure and close the bathroom door behind you. Otherwise, plan on making small talk.
● Uber city compatible. Their size and moderate activity level (read: relative laziness) lend themselves well to apartment life. They can enjoy sleeping for hours on a sunny patch of floor while you work, then enjoy a late walk to a favorite hydrant down the street.
● Plays well with others. Dachshunds are a great co-pet, particularly with other Doxies (that’s their street name, yo). They enjoy companionship, human or canine alike, pina coladas and long walks on the beach.
● Easy to groom. Well, the smooth coat variety, anyway. Their short hair tends to stay fairly clean and doesn’t need combing. The longhaired and wirehaired varieties need combing every other day or so. (Still, by Kardashian standards, that’s low maintenance.)
● Guard dog on duty. Their loyalty and courage make for a formidable watch dog with a big bark. Bonus: they will let you know precisely when UPS has delivered your Amazon package.
● Remember that stubbornness mentioned earlier? Yeah, that. It can get in the way of training, particularly house training. Doxies are notorious for accidents. However, it can be done with some, um, what’s the word? Stubbornness. You’ll just have to out-stubborn the stubborn dog.
● NSFK (Not Safe for Kids). Yes, they are playful, but Dachshunds are not always toddler-friendly. But then again, some of your closest friends aren’t toddler-friendly either and you’ve found a way to work around that.
● Achy breaky backs. Their long spines and a tendency to pack on extra pounds leads back problems for Dachshunds. Pro tip: it’s worth an investment in pet insurance in case of surgeries or procedures.
● That bark, though. If the propensity to bark at many things--including a squirrel in a tree across the street--causes you to second guess a Dachshund, pay attention to that feeling because the bark is real.
● Burrowing. Have legs, will burrow. That’s the philosophy of a Dachshund. Sometimes it’s cute (burrowing beneath the covers) and sometimes it’s aggravating (burrowing a hole in the carpet). Like T-Swift says, burrows gonna burrow. You’ve been warned.